A Week's Summary....

It's hard to put this past week and half into words, but I'll try.  We safely moved our friends to IN, had a blast along the way, made lots of IN memories, prolonged the goodbyes as long as possible and cried most of the way home.  That sums it up in a nutshell.


We are struggling to get back into the swing of things here....ok, mommy is struggling more than anyone else.  I never thought that I would physically hurt this bad, but I sure do.  I've been fighting a headache for 3 days now and today it is a full blown migraine!  I keep leaning on scriptures, praying often, thinking of the good times, and holding onto the faith that Jesus will carry me through this time.  My prayers have changed from get me through, make us stronger to hurry it up!  Hee Hee

Sorry you haven't heard  more from me.  I'll be back when I'm feeling better.  Pray for me, I'm fighting the beast of depression again and right now he's winning, but I know God will heal me in HIS time.

Lonesome.....

Yesterday it finally hit me.....and hit me HARD.  In bible study we were talking about friendships....everyone was sharing how special it is to have those friends that you share everything with and you act yourself around.  You know the ones I'm talking about.  The friends that know you better than anyone, almost as well as your spouse.  They are kindred spirits, bosom buddies as Anne of Green Gables would say, they see your feelings without words.  They love you unconditionally, with all your faults, they pray for you, they are truthful even when it hurts, they make you laugh until your stomach hurts, and they cry with you when you are hurting.  It's not easy to find kindred spirits like this, it takes much work, vulnerability, and patience.

I have been blessed with wonderful friendships in my adulthood, not so much in my younger years, but definitely in the past 12 years.  I have been given friendships that come and go, and now I am facing friends that literally go and move.  This is a first for me.  I mean, yes people I know have moved away, but this is the first one that HURTS!!  In December a dear friend and her family announced they are moving to Ecuador to be missionaries and about a month ago my closest and best friend found they had to move to Indiana.  Really????  Two of my closest friends in 4 months!!!??  Are you kidding me?

Let me give you a little background to why this is such a big deal.  Fifteen years ago I was a working, newly married woman and only 22 years old.  My friends were literally girlfriends of my husbands friends and a couple coworkers.  These were only "party friends" we didn't get very close or share a lot of secrets.  These were not friends that I would call or go to with a problem.  Then my husband and I joined a new church, they searched out a pastor and he moved his family here to my town.  I fell in love with this family right away.  They had 1 child and she was adorable!!  Not long after getting to know this family did we find out we were expecting our first blessed child and our pastor's wife was expecting her 2nd child!!!  We shared our pregnancies together and gave birth to our babes only 1 week apart!!  I was so blessed to share this with her and I was so grateful that the Lord had provided me a confidante to help me in the new stage of my life/motherhood.  As you can guess our babies have grown to be best friends and are now 13 years old!  I have endured so much with this family....births of children, miscarriage, death, divorce, remarriage, and salvation of family and friends.  As you can see, this family is very near and dear to me.  Now after 15 years of knowing them, they are moving on to a new adventure.  God is calling them to be missionaries!  How wonderful is that???!!!  However, after finding out they were moving I didn't let myself accept that they were leaving.  They left the church in December, but aren't moving until May.  I just knew I was going to spend every waking minute I could taking in her wisdom, sharing dinners, sharing our kids and just enjoying each others company as long as I could.  Well, don't you know, life goes on and I haven't spent hardly anytime with their family.  They are busy with packing, school, activities for their children, getting their house ready to sell, and a list of other things.....as well as our own family busyness.  So we haven't spent as much time together as I would have liked.  So....here I sit today, SAD......Lonesome, missing my friend and her family.

Now, that's just one family.  There's another wonderful family that I have opened my heart to in the past 2 years.  They moved here 2 years ago and I met them at church.  It was at a time in my life when I didn't like to step out of my comfort zone.....I didn't like greeting people I didn't know, but someone had asked me to reach out to this family since they were new and they home schooled.  I finally got up the nerve to say hello and I am so glad that I did!  God was putting an opportunity in my lap and I almost passed it up!!  I can't even explain to you the connection I felt right away to this family.  It was INSTANT!  Love at first site!  LOL  At the time we met them I had no idea that they would change my life forever!!!!!!  She has helped me be a better mom and teacher to my kids, she has sparked my love for sewing again, she has inspired me to be healthier, she inspires me to be better organized, she sparked my love for blogging and she helped me grow spiritually!!!  God really put her family in my life right when I needed them the most.  There are other reasons they are so special, but not enough words or space to blog about it.  About a month ago her husband was laid off and had to find work.......well, God is taking them to Indiana!!!  Just when I was enjoying them the most and really loving having them around, they have to move.  I know they have been here only 2 years, but I feel as though I have known them forever.

See......these 2 families have touched my life so much that I don't think I can go on without them.  I'm struggling to stay afloat.  I feel like I'm drowning in my own tears of saddness.  After battling 9 years of depression and finally conquerring it 3 months ago, I'm scared!!  I don't want to slip into the pit of darkness that I lived in for so long.  These 2 women gave me hope, love, light, and showed me that there is life to be enjoyed....it's mine for the taking!  Will I be able to brush this feeling off and move forward?  Will I find another friend or confidante?  I know that God has provided these families to begin with and He will provide again.....BUT, will my heart be willing to open back up to another journey??  It's not easy to find friends like I have with me now.  I guess for now I have to be patient and wait, but man, am I lonesome.

Oh the deep....

All week I have been singing this song.  As a member of the praise team at our church, we introduced this song during the offertory.  I LOVE IT!  It's my new favorite!!  "Oh the Deep, Deep Love" by Bob Kauflin   (this is a youtube video, please don't hold me responsible for the ads or comments)   This song is an old hymn, but only put to new music.  How beautiful!!!  I can't tell you what a saving grace it has been for me after this weekend and past few days, I am truly leaning on the words of this song.  "Oh the deep deep love, all I need and trust is the deep deep love of Jesus!"  How true!

The old me would have been deep in a pit of depression by now and yesterday I was fighting it for sure, but today I stand triumphed in His Glory and resting upon Jesus for every breath!  Last night Blessed Daddy and I had to tell our girls that their "BESTEST friends" are moving to Indiana!  It never seems to matter how much you prepare for these moments, you are never prepared.  I have had awhile to let this sink in, but it felt like hearing it for the first time.  How my hurt is aching and rejoicing at the same time.  I know that the bond of our friendship is strong and can withstand this distance, but trying to convince my kids of this is something different.  My middle arrow didn't take the news really well, she is so tender.  The Second Oldest Arrow was quiet, she is hurting on the inside.  My youngest girl arrow is too young to understand, but I will always hate to see my kids sad and hurting.  This is a wonderful song to help heal us!

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus
Far Surpassing all the rest
It's an ocean full of blessing
In the midst of every test
Oh the deep, deep, love of Jesus
Mighty Savior, precious Friend
You will bring us home to glory
Where Your love will never end

I am taking great comfort in these words.  His love surpasses all the rest, no one can love us the way He does.  In the midst of every trial, test, and season HE is the one there to carry us through, lending His shoulder for us to cry on, wiping the tears from our faces.  Oh Father, how I am leaning and trusting in these words today!  Thank you Dear Lord, for hearing me in my cries and offering mercy and love to me.

Here's the question I pose to you today, Will you trust in His Deep Love?  I certainly pray you do!

He is my supply....

Ahhhhhh.....when I look back at the post from yesterday I wonder where did that depressed lady go?  God is so good and I thank you for your prayers!  He heard and I felt them indeed.  So, thank you again and if you have no idea what I am talking about then be grateful and let's move on.  LOL

I began attending a bible study on Monday morning and I believe that these past few days were a test to see what I had learned and if I would use my new skills.  I am happy to say that I GREW!!  I feel like I handled them better than I would have a week ago, but I still have lots of improving.  (Don't we all!?)  Anyway, I prayed more and looked for God's desire in the situation and I am so thankful for His quick answer.  He has equipped me with a better grasp on my faith and a deeper prayer life than before.  It's a good thing, cause I'm gonna need it!

Because.....This morning I got some news that really saddened me, but also brought me joy too.  Sounds really weird, I know, but a friend told me that she is pretty sure they are moving away and soon.  Now normally this would cause me GREAT anguish, but I felt such a peace.  You see, this friendship is totally based on God's love!  I feel that a friendship that is built on His foundation and in His Love can get through anything.  So no matter how many miles are between us, we will forever be friends.  She has been such a blessing to me, I can't imagine life without her here, but I am so happy that God has answered their prayers.  Her husband recently lost his job, his position was eliminated, so he has been unemployed for about a week!  Talk about a quick answer to prayer, a week later he has a wonderful offer for a new job.  All this to say that, even though I am saddened in the flesh, I am rejoicing in God's goodness and love.  Indeed He gives and takes away, He supplies our every need, and He strengthens us with His great love!

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.  Phillipians 4:19

Friendships...

God is so wonderful all the time, but I especially thank him for the friendships that He has given me over the years. Some friends come and go, but there is something about a "sister in Christ" or even a "brother in Christ" that just lasts longer, holds you tighter, picks you up when you need it, and makes you smile even in the hardest of times.

This was a rough week for me, but God has (once again) put people in my life to help encourage me. I have been so blessed. Although I was struggling this week with many different things, my friends have been there for me. They didn't think any less of me, they didn't guilt me or even pity me. They just knew somehow (only through the power of Christ) what to say to me to help me over my slump.

I have suffered for 8 years with depression. This week was a breaking point for me. I have been treated for 8 years through medication and I am truly thankful for that medication. I am a totally different person off the medicine and someday God will release me of this affliction, but for now I will take my medicine as I should. However, I was so depressed this week, I just knew that something was not working right. I thought maybe I needed to up the dosage of my current medicine or maybe I had forgotten to take my medicine (which I knew I had) I was just searching for any answer to all my sadness. I found my answer, but not through medicine.....I found my answer through Christ and He used my Blessed Friends. Without knowing my dear friends encouraged me, uplifted me, loved me, and held me through my anguish until I was OK to stand on my own. I am standing tall now, even a little taller, knowing that God is still with me. He has sent my dear sisters to help me, all I have to do is trust in Him. I have to not be afraid to ask Him. He always hears me, its just not always what I want to hear. So to my friends I say thank you...my sisters I say I love you more than you will ever know and to Christ I give you my all...myself....my every being is yours to do your will, Lord.
Thank you.