Today is a good day, I'm pushing forward. My oldest arrow is off for lunch and a movie with her Uncle, my little brother. He just graduated from college last week and we haven't seen him in so long. It's good for him to bond with the kids. They love their Uncle Trav. soooooo much. The other kids are very jealous of her "private uncle time" and happy for her too. I can't wait to hear about all they did!
I am going to a "homeschool" store today to buy some used curriculum. I'm trying to prepare ahead of time for next year. Trying to busy myself with things to keep my mind from feeling so lonely. I've realized that when I am idle I am lonelier, depressed, and sad. That is when the uncontrollable urge to cry all day sets in and I don't get off the bed. The kids are really feeling the loneliness because mom isn't doing a good job of keeping them busy enough. I wish I had the stamina to get up and just go, but it physically hurts most days to get up. I hate this feeling!!! I want so badly to shake it. I lay in bed at night and pray that the next day will be better, I beg God to give me the strength to get out of bed. The next day comes and the hurt over powers all other things. However, today God prevailed and won the battle this morning. I was able to get up and move. I have to force myself NOT to turn on the tv or just lay there a few more minutes.....and today we are up and the house is hopping! I pray all days could be like this, busy.
Lord, let me be busy everyday. Busy for you, busy focusing on your children and your will. Keep my hands and feet from idleness. Keep my head clear of the voices that say "its ok, try again tomorrow." Lord I know its not ok, its not your plan....help me to seek you and only you to fill the void I feel in my heart. Amen.