I learned a lesson tonight from my 11 year old! We were talking about responsibility, maturity and other character qualities. She inquired about earning back "her makeup" privilege. Well, I explained that it wasn't about how many chores she did, it was about showing a level of maturity to wear the makeup. She has always struggled with material things, jewelry, hair styles, shoes and clothes, so we often talk about this subject. But tonight was different.....tonight I learned of something I have taught her by my behavior. There are so many things on my list of sins, but this is one I hadn't even thought of yet! I tried explain(as I often do) that it isn't important how we look, how well we dress, if our hair is just so or if our makeup is on just right. Then I asked this...."do you think I spend too much time worrying with the way I look?" As to which she replied, "well yeah, sometimes." I can't even imagine the look on my face at that answer....."really?" I thought and she quickly gives me an example. "Last night when you said you had an outfit picked out for church, but if you felt bloated in the morning you wouldn't wear it. Remember?" OOOOooooooooohhhhhhh, Yeah I did say that didn't I? In an instant I relaized the sin I had mirrored for my struggling daughter! The apple didn't fall far from the tree. As I realized how right she was and admitted to her of my sin in my behavior, I asked her to help me. I asked for her forgivness and she easily forgave me. I had never thought of my dress, hair and makeup as a stumbling block for her, but they are.....I do spend too much time worried about how I look when I leave the house, or what I look like on Sunday morning. God doesn't care! Those things aren't important! My heart is what God sees....why dress it up? Why parade it around in front of a mirror for Him? He knows the deepest darketst secrets of my heart, and now I see it for its awful wickedness.
As I apologized to my daughter, I looked deep into her big beautiful eyes and I saw them smile back at me. She had no more sadness in her eyes and I asked her, "do you feel better now that we talked?" As to which she replied "oh yes, I feel better now that I know that I'm not struggling alone, mommy." And I kissed her quickly goodnight, and came downstairs to cry. Oh how my heart is grieving for my sin and the sin that I have passed along to my child, but how I rejoice that Jesus paid the price for my sin and He will give strength to us both to fight this sin!
Lord, I thank you for the innocence of children, for childlike faith, bedtime talks and open minded hearts to hear you when you speak through a child. I thank you for using my daughter to speak to me and show me of my guilt within my heart. I ask you to clease me and strengthen me to fight this battle....a battle that you have already won! Praise to the Lord, the Victor over the grave, the Creator and Maker of all things, including me and my daughter. May you grant us both peace and wisdom as we conquer and triumph in Your name! Amen!